he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize