i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my liver is dry heaving
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
