I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
