So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
