he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
