So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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