Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
