one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
