Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
