OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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