he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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