Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
