so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
