k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
