Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
