Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
