I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
