I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
