Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
