omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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