In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
