i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
