This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ladies don't puke and tell
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
