Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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