Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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