It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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