how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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