She said her name was "party"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
