Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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