I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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