If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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