I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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