I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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