So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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