I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
