i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
