Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You pole danced in your parka.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
