I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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