come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize