I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
