i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
