She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
