we have pet lesbian snakes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
