Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize