i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
