just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
