Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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