You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
