how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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