it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
