don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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