So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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