U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
