i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
