Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I AM VODKA MAN
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
