The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
