9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
