I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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