Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
