Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
