His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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