I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
