So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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