Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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