how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
