all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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