Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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