When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
